Monday, July 11, 2016

When to Skip a Difficult Conversation

When to Skip a Difficult Conversation

How can you assess whether you’re making a strategic choice to avoid a
difficult conversation or just chickening out?  Here are 11 questions
designed to help you consider what to say, delay, or skip:


  1. Based on what I know about this person and our relationship, what
    can I realistically hope to achieve by having the conversation?
  2. What is my “secret agenda” or “hidden hope” for this conversation? (Long-term harmony? Revenge? That they will change?)
  3. What concrete examples do I have to share of how this issue has shown up?
  4. What’s my contribution to the situation?
  5. Do I tend to look for problems with this person or about this issue?
  6. Is it already starting to resolve itself?
  7. How long ago did it arise? Is it a repeat or recurring problem? Could it become one?
  8. How “material” is the issue to our relationship or to the job?
  9. How committed am I to being “right”?
  10. What reasonable, actionable solution can I offer?
  11. Is this the right person to talk to about this issue?

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